You don't know me, but I know of you. I don't want to know you personally, but I have seen you in action. I have some advice for you. The reason why Chris Chan Lee (whose name you abbreviate as "CCL" in your posts) broke up with you is because you are not a keeper. Strictly a rental. Part-timer. Someone with whom to pass a few years. A comma. Nothing to take seriously.
Not that you couldn't be more than this for someone else, but this wasn't your role in your relationship with CCL. Whether you knew it or not then, you need to accept it now.
There is hope for you, because I believe you can become a good person. To become one will take a huge attitude adjustment though. Your personality is highly unappealing and toxic to those around you, as you have probably figured out by now due to your inability to retain friends. Please for fuck's sake stop being so negative all the time. Also, your constant self-promotion and boasting regarding your "career" and guys who purportedly want to date you betray a massively insecurity. Changing your personality and attitude are the first and most important steps. After that, you should look into dropping a few pounds. I don't say this to be mean, but let's be honest: your body could use a lot of improvement. You are getting up there in years and those years are not wearing well. Seriously, you are Asian -- so even given your age, there is NO excuse for you to be so out of shape.
A word of advice to you and all women: do not let your waistline expand if you are not willing to let your man leave you.
As you know, almost none of CCL's friends approved of his relationship with you, given its dysfunction and your negative impact on his soul and creative output. CCL never thought of you as a long-term partner, but we all know why he was with you for so long, which saddens everyone. I will not embarrass you here by listing all the crazy shit you have done regarding CCL since the break-up. Lord knows he has done his share of regrettable things since then too, but the difference was that his actions were born of pain and not irrational mean-spiritedness like yours.
And please stop throwing CCL's name around. We get it. You dated a famous director. But that is over, so get over it. His best work is yet to come, and hopefully yours is too.
C, I really hope you can change. Good luck girl.
And for you dilly: As much as it sucks to say, you were not a long-termer either. I feel like a bitch for pointing this out because you are actually super cool and generally nice. Some girls are not meant to be "serious" relationship material, and you appear to be one of those. Enjoy your 30's girl. I would focus on your career and your family/girlfriends.